Master Fu vs Tom & Sabine Dupain-Cheng
by anxresi
Summary: Master Fu is desperate to give Marinette the Ladybug Miraculous. The problem is though, her parents have caught wind of his dastardly plan, and not wanting their daughter to fill a job with such a high mortality rate, try blocking him at every turn. Marinette meanwhile remains blissfully ignorant of everything. This should be fun!
1. Intro

Once upon a time there was a girl called Marinette. When she was born, it was as if God himself had sent an angel down from heaven. Even from outside the delivery room, you could clearly hear the sounds of the birds chirping and the stars dancing her arrival on Earth. For this truly was a very special child, with a destiny which would one day not only affect the entirety of Paris, but decide the fate of the world.

Want to know why? Well, I'll tell you, Mr/Miss/Mrs Impatient. She was earmarked to be the next Ladybug, the superheroine who would defend the planet against the wicked schemes of the nefarious Hawkmoth. Together with her beloved kwami Tikki, a wisecracking partner called Chat Noir and various other animal-related costumed freaks they would surely put an end to Hawky's reign of terror, and preserve the peace for all future generations.

So, we all have nothing to worry about, right?

Wrong.

You see, Marinette's parents, Sabine and Tom, caught wind of Master Fu's little scheme to distribute the Miraculous to their darling daughter whilst sitting near him on the local bus. At first they took his unintelligible mutterings to be the first signs of dementia, but then they realised that yes, he actually was talking to a floating turtle stashed inside his knapsack.

And were they happy with what they heard? Not a bit of it.

No wizened old geezer wearing an outdated Hawaiian shirt was going to coax their darling daughter into the perils of superheroism! Marinette Dupain-Cheng was going to grow up as a nice, normal boring girl who'd have a nice, normal, boring job as a baker one day. She'd take over the Boulangerie Patisserie and love it, too! No fooling around with yo-yo's or dangerous akumatised monsters for her!

But Master Fu won't give up. Despite her family's best efforts at shielding Marinette from the aged master, he'll pop up wherever she goes to try and assign her the sacred earrings. After all the fate of everything rests on it, and he'll be damned if he'll let a small thing like 'parental consent' get in the way!

So it begins: On one side, a 186-and-a-half year old dude desperate to carry out his given destiny, the other a mother and father determined to save their child from an exciting yet dangerous life as a spotted vigilante.

And in the middle of it all, a 14-year-old Parisian schoolgirl blissfully unaware of the war raging on around her, having enough to contend with crushes and Chloe to worry about some ancient prophecy from long ago.

The battlelines are drawn, the stage is set… who will come out on top?

Well, there's only one way to find out: keep on reading!

…..

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, let's see how this goes. Updates should be quick, unless it proves to be unpopular… then I'll just quit! Let me know what you think, and hopefully I'll see you soon. ;)


	2. The First Day

"Good luck on your first day at school, Marinette!" Sabine shouted to her beloved daughter.

"Don't forget to share those macaroons I gave to your class! And tell them who made them!" Tom beamed, desperate to ring up a bit of extra business.

"Thanks, mom! And Dad!" Marinette waved to them as she set off on her journey to Dupont College.

Suddenly in front of her, some senior guy was having trouble crossing the road. "Oh, my old bones!"

Marinette didn't see him though, since she was listening to thrash metal via her earphones… but her closely watching parents did.

"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Tom roared, dashing over to push Master Fu in the path of the nearest 4 x 4.

"Huh?" Marinette just caught the sound of screeching metal, and removed her headphones to have a peek. "What's going on?"

"Nothing dear, just an accident involving someone from the local retirement home. Don't worry, your father's helping him out." Sabine reassured her daughter, before handing her a small package. "Look, you forgot your lunch! Now straight off to school with you. Don't want to be late on your first day!"

"No, I suppose not…" Marinette replied with uncertainty, thinking perhaps she'd missed something. "Well, gotta go… bye!"

"BYE!" Both of her parents waved in unison, before Tom turned around to shout: "LISTEN YOU OLD PEST, IF I CATCH YOU AROUND MY MARI AGAIN…"

But Master Fu had gone, fortunately none the worse for wear due to the protective powers of his Turtle Miraculous.

It still hurt like a son of a b*tch though. Ow.

Perhaps he would try again later, when there were less Dupain-Chengs around.

As for the macaroons, they were delicious! Yum.


	3. Creepy Fu

"Master, can you see Marinette?" Wayzz whispered to his user from just outside Miss Bustier's classroom.

"Sshh Wayzz… you'll get us caught!" Wang Fu replied to the mystical amphibian he kept hidden away in his back pocket.

"What's she doing now?" The turtle was in an unusually curious mood today.

"I don't know, arguing with some blonde girl…" the Master responded from his position, standing on an upturned garbage can to see. "We'll wait til' she needs a bathroom break, then we'll strike!"

"A-hem!" A melodic yet sternful voice sounded behind the prying pair, and Wayzz managed to escape just in time.

Master Fu gulped with anxiety and spun quickly around to face Miss Bustier herself, the redhead tapping her foot impatiently there.

"And just what do you think you're doing, spying on my class today?" Caline Bustier enquired, sounding like a mother hen protecting her chicks. "Are you even supposed to be here anyway?!"

"Ah, I was just going to give a little present to one of your students, but I think she's got some already…" Wang Fu told the attentive member of staff sheepishly. "I'll go now and leave you in peace, for I have a pilates club to organise."

"Not so fast, you!" Miss Bustier grabbed the geriatric by his scruff, before marching him down the corridor. "Mr Dupeng-Cheng warned me about you! You people are sick let me tell you, sick! Trying to corrupt an innocent flower like Marinette! Let's just find out what the police have to say about this, shall we?!"

"Nnoooo!" Master Fu whimpered, as if he was inside jail for a stretch all of his plants would wither and die. And he didn't want that now, did he?

Fortunately, Wayzz came to the rescue by popping out and biting Caline Bustier on the ear, releasing her kung-fu grip and allowing her elderly hostage to do that disappearing act he does so well. Hurray!

He still failed in his mission to hand over the earrings, though. Boo.

In the meantime, a giant rock monster Ivan was created by Kim's teasing, but got its foot stuck in a manhole on its way to devastating Paris.

By the time it had freed itself, Ivan had calmed down sufficiently for the infected butterfly to leave his body, thus returning him to his usual rockin' self.

Looks like they won't need Ladybug after all! Or will they…?


	4. We'll Have A Cheesy Old Time

Adrien Agreste sat in his gargantuan mansion, at his big empty table, sipping his tea, unable to attend class due to his strict father's precise instructions...

And he had company, of the floating feline variety.

"So, cat with a craving for stinky dairy products that I've just met…" He asked politely of the whiskered kwami who'd just arrived into his life. "Now you have your disgusting Camembert, tell me: where's this 'hot' new female partner wearing skin-tight lycra I was promised?"

"Cheessee…" Plagg paid no mind to his new user, instead choosing to hug a hunk of Camembert cheese which was bigger than him.

"When I signed up to this gig, and donned these stupid ears and that ridiculous tail, I at the very least expected a bit of action in the dating department…" Adrien continued to badger his uncaring magical cat. "But nnnooo! Not only do you tell me I can't transform in public 'til I see her, you tell me she might not even become 'Ladybug' at all?!"

"Is it legal to marry a cheese?" Plagg remarked lovingly, before planting a big wet one on his rounded slice of smelly goodness. "You can do so many other dodgy things in France, I don't see what not…"

"Plagg! Concentrate!" Now Adrien was the most mild-mannered sunshine boy ever to walk the face of the Earth, but even he had his limits."

"Oh, right…" Plagg (with great reluctance) tore himself away from his true love, to glance at Adrien momentarily. "The Master will sort it, destiny will always find a way, no point in you turning into Chat Noir as long as Ladybug isn't around because only she can purify those nasty butterflies… yadda yadda yadda. Now, get me a wedding ring and a priest this instant! I have a 'feline' someone's about to propose…"

"NO!" Adrien slammed his fist onto the Camembert in frustration, so that it splattered everywhere making a right mess. "This isn't what we agreed to at all! I'm a depressed loner with Daddy issues who needs a combative love/hate relationship with a strong girl to further my character development! I need someone I can bounce my terrible jokes off of, who'll groan at them and roll their eyes in equal measure while we save Paris together! How on Earth am I supposed to do all that, if I can't become my alter-ego and Ladybug isn't even here?"

"SOB… she was so young…" It was appropriate that Plagg was a black cat, because he certainly felt like he was at a funeral right now. "You murdered Chees-ella! We would've had many cheesy children, before retiring to the Moon. It's made of green cheese, you know. I don't care what anybody says. In any case, I just figured out who the true monster is: it's not Hawkmoth, it's you! I shall now endeavour to preserve Chees-ella's memory by licking up every sloppy scrap of her lying around. BOO HOO… BOO HOO… Slurp, delicious!"

"Listen, Plagg I'm sorr…" Adrien was a few seconds away from formally apologising for his Parisian Cheese Massacre, before who should pop in, but Nathalie herself.

"Adrien, I managed to pull a few strings and now you can go to school after all…" Andre's assistant told Adrien in her usual glowing voice. "...But before you go, brush your teeth, wipe your nose and do give this cheese-covered room a good ol' scrub-a-dub. Thank you, and good morning."

The Agreste boy didn't even have chance to thank Nathalie before she walked smartly away, so he just gazed up at Plagg with annoyance, the cat quickly making himself scarce until the older lady had vanished from the scene.

"Now look what you've done! I've finally gotten permission to attend College Dupont, and I won't even make it before lessons because I have to clean this entire stinking room! With major emphasis on the 'stinking' part."

"Don't worry your pretty little head, Master Agreste!" Plagg responded with a wink, as he made himself busy. "You'll have all the chance you need to learn your English and long division today. Just give me a minute, two minutes tops, and I'll have licked all these walls and furniture as clean as a whistle! Mmmm... cheesy!"

"Alright Plagg… but can you stop saying the word 'cheese' and all its derivatives for just a few seconds, please? You're doing my head in!"

"Hmm… let me think about that… NOPE! Cheese, cheesy, cheesing, cheesier, cheesed, Chuck E Cheese, SAY CHEESE!"

"AAARGHHHH!"


	5. The Next Step

"Master, when am I going to meet my new user? It's boring being stuck in those earrings all day, and I want to see the world again!" Tikki was desperate to escape the tiny confines of her jewellery, she wasn't afraid to say so.

"Now now, Tikki… the best things come to those who wait!" No one could make hoary old cliches sound as fresh as Master Fu. "You'll get given to your destined to due course! And here's something to get excited about for later… she lives in a bakery!"

"W-What? You mean, where they make cookies? Hurray!" A very sweet-toothed Tikki began pirouetting in midair. The best thing about being a kwami? No tooth decay. "But now you've just increased my excitement level even more. Couldn't you just leave me in her bag, or something? You know, like you originally planned?"

"No, I'm afraid there have been some unexpected… complications there." growled Wang Fu, as he cursed his big mouth on public transportation. "I fear her parents will be on high alert, and check it every second for the Miraculous. And if they throw it away… I fear it may be lost forever, or even worse... Hawkmoth may get his grubby mitts on it."

"Ooh nnooo! We don't want that." wailed Tikki, extremely mindful of the powers the madman would get if he possessed both the earrings and the ring. After all, Fu never shut up about it. "We'll do it your way. In the meantime, let's hope there's no akuma emergency that needs her help, because otherwise we're, uh…"

"...We're screwed." Master Fu finished the sentence for her, as Tikki was highly averse to using 'foul' language. "Come Tikki, back into the Miraculous now. I must plan my next move with the utmost care… and that will require at least twenty-four hours of intense meditation."

"Okay, master. Good luck!" Tikki waved goodbye with one of her cute little nubs, before retreating back into her magical object.

In the meantime, Wang Fu set up his little room perfectly for a session of such massive brooding that it would even put Batman to shame.

First, he lit the scented candles.

Then, he closed the curtains.

Finally, the lights were turned off, and his CD player was turned on. What would he listen to this time to unwind? Pan-pipe Melodies? 'Dolphins During Mating Season'?

No, 'Sounds of the Brazilian Rainforest'. Nice.

Unfortunately, he was just getting to the part where the orangutangs beat their chests and the toucans squawked, before his peaceful sabbatical came to a crashing end.

You see, due to a tragic complication involving the last evil butterfly not being properly de-akumatized, the infection had now spread beyond the first victim Ivan…

...And now, there were many giant rock monsters smashing up Paris with wild abandon, including the very building Fu resided in now.

As you can imagine, it's a bit hard to reach mental nirvana or even make beans on toast with this kind of obtrusive racket all around you. The old Chinese man had no choice to emerge from his hypnotic trance, switch the lights back on, and say in a very clear distinct voice…

"Oops. We're screwed."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, it looks as though this story is doing well enough for me to keep doing it. Hopefully, the kind of enthusiasm I can now muster writing this can spread to my other fics as well. Some are in dire need of updating, after all.

Remember: the more people that follow, favorite or comment on this, the quicker the updates will be! See you soon ^^


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